1) She just doesn’t give a rip
If you’ve had bad breakups and rough relationships before then you know the feeling of a toxic connection.
Constant fights, brutal insults followed by passionate makeup sex. Building someone up just to break them down. Using vulnerabilities to attack your partner. Feelings of betrayal, inadequacy, deep disappointment.
Sadly, people in love do this all the time when they haven’t yet healed the wounds within themselves.
People who aren’t in love don’t usually do this. They generally just … don’t care.
If she’s fallen out of love with you chances are she’s checked out emotionally and in most other ways.
Does she ignore most of what you say, smile wanly in a fake way constantly? Make excuses that she has to go every time you’re about to spend time together? These are all classic signs of avoidance and someone who is no longer in love.
The harsh truth is that a woman can feel a lot of resentment toward you but still love you, but when she loses respect for you love goes right along with it. You can be the nicest guy in the world, but if you’re wishy-washy and never stand up for yourself (or anything else) you won’t even appear on her romance radar.
One word answers, quick pecks on the cheek, avoided eye contact, and generally, uninterested behavior should tell you all you need to know. If your partner still loved you then you have to explain why she is treating you like a stain on the carpet.
Maybe it’s for something completely unrelated and to do with her own life. But chances are it’s more related to her losing respect and attraction for you.
It might not even be your fault, but denying it won’t change it. It has happened to me when a girl I was dating started showing less and less interest after seeing me have an anxiety attack and me becoming clingy and dependent on her validation as a result.
There are many reasons it can happen and it’s not pretty. It can be a big hit to your self-esteem and self-image. But would you rather a woman fake it or would you rather rip the bandaid off?
Pay attention to signs that she doesn’t love you anymore.
And if life circumstances or any other reasons have caused her to stop seeing you as “her guy” (including meeting another guy who she is more attracted to) then you’re going to feel that icy cold wind of indifference blowing in from the north.
2) Her new guy friends start popping up all over
Assuming you’re not a jealous guy, then your girlfriend or wife having male friends is no big deal at all. In fact, you’re glad for her and you might feel like it eases off the pressure on you to be Mr. Chatty at times.
Still, the underlying fact about this is that if a woman is getting closer and closer to guy friends and attracting them like flies there’s a reason for that. And it’s not her being so in love with you that she just wants to dish to her new beard buddies.
Women lap up male attention – platonic or otherwise – because it feeds a positive image they have of themselves and boosts their self-esteem and confidence. Obviously men and women can be great friends without it having to be some fake-ass ego-stroking club, but the point is that if your girl is wandering off and popping up with all sorts of new and old rediscovered guy friends you might want to see that as a bit of a red flag.
Is every one of those guys gay? Do you want to put money on it that at least one of them wouldn’t mind some time kissing your girlfriend after a nice walk on the beach and enjoying some sweet loving afterward?
Come on. Even if she never gets close to cheating with her male friends, she’s clearly seeking out some emotional validation and connection that she isn’t feeling with you.
As a guy how many of your female friends would you have turned down dating? Especially during a vulnerable or confusing time? Maybe some you weren’t into romantically, sure, but at least a few I am guessing you would have jumped at the chance for romance.
Similarly, with your other half, she likely doesn’t see all her guy friends as “like brothers” (although she may see you that way now if she’s acting this way).
There’s always the guy you never thought in a million years she’d be into until you glance over and see her sexting him and then find them in bed together the next week.
I’m not advocating to be a jealous control freak or interrogate your partner. Just be aware that the new cast of the Bachelorette might be there as a replacement for you, not just for shits and giggles.
3. She Just Doesn’t Care Anymore
Love vs. Hate vs. Indifference
They say the opposite of love is hate, but that’s not true.
Love is an emotion, a strong one. Hate is also another emotion that can be equally intense.
To love someone, you obviously have to care. To hate someone, you need to care enough to carry negative intense emotions for that person.
Both are investments, just in opposite directions.
In fact, a girl can hate you and still be attracted to you.
“How so? you might ask.”
If you look at attraction for what it really is from a woman’s perspective, it’s more about respect than it is about love.
Have you ever seen a woman who’s attracted to a man she doesn’t respect?
Never.
Men who don’t have any self-respect make women as dry as the Sahara desert.
Men who are too afraid of loss and rejection that they hesitate to maintain boundaries don’t even register to women as sexual entities.
That’s why the white knights and typical nice guys finish last.
That’s why these nice guys don’t get any.
All they get is cold apathy.
Indifference in the form of flakes, one-word texts, short attention spans, and, at best, quick mom kisses on the cheek.
On the other hand, bad boys aren’t liked necessarily, but still, seem to get all the ladies.
Almost every single woman will have a bad boy living rent-free inside her head for years on end.
But do women love bad boys?
On occasions.
Do they hate bad boys?
Most of the time, yes.
When you look at how women get frustrated at them, there seems to be a lot of hate and frustration involved.
Hate for not getting what they wanted — the commitment and servitude these women are used to having for their daily ego boosts.
But what is it exactly that gets these women hooked anyway?
It’s the bad boy’s competency, always putting himself first, knowing his worth, and lots and lots of self-respect.
Having said that, it’s important to know when you’re still in the game.
Does she love you?
You’re still in the game.
Does she hate your guts?
Still in the game, believe it or not.
Does she not even bother with your arguments or care enough to know what you’re up to or how you’re doing?
Does she respect your time and boundaries? Or does she do whatever she wants while you watch helplessly?
Has she stopped complimenting you?
Has she stopped trying to please you?
Has she stopped initiating conversations?
Has she stopped being jealous over you?
Has she stopped wanting to put in any work to make you happy?
If you’ve been asking yourself any of these questions for quite some time, then you could be pretty much out and there’s a good chance she doesn’t love you anymore because you’re not giving her a reason to.
4. She’s Always Physically Avoiding You
A woman who is in love with you is a woman who generally wants to spend time with you.
She’ll initiate conversations, ask you to hang out every once in a while, and asks you random questions just for fun or to see what you’re up to.
She doesn’t have to be on you 24/7, but at least she’ll prioritize your company over others most of the time, and that’s how it should be.
If she consistently comes up with excuses to not physically be with you, then there’s a good chance she doesn’t love you anymore.
And a good chance she’s prioritizing someone else over you.
Note that I say physically be with you because a lot of grown-ass men still think that her wanting to text you all the time is good enough to show that she still likes you.
Sure, it can be a good indicator that she enjoys talking to you, but that doesn’t mean she sees you as a sexual being worth committing to.
If she avoids meeting up and engaging with you on an intimate level, then you’re just one of her male buddies.
Maybe the best of her male friends, aka orbiters, but that’s no trophy to be proud of.
She’ll still bang another man.
And then tell you about it.
Because you’re still her favorite man to talk to.
After all, a woman’s most valued social currency is attention.
If you give it to her for free and out of generosity, she’ll no longer have any incentive to please you; you would have already given her what she desires the most.
That’s exactly what breeds excessive familiarity and boredom in relationships.
Not only that, but your attention will not have much value because you’ve given it away without her having to work for it.
She’ll, later on, continue to find someone else’s attention — high-value attention from a high-value man who doesn’t give it away easily.
She’ll fall for him completely and will choose to be physically intimate with him in return, and then give you the “I’m tired” or “just not in the mood for that today” excuse.
Understand that if she’s physically avoiding you, then probably she doesn’t love you anymore and you could be just wasting your time.
5. She Talks Negatively About You to Her Friends
A woman’s actual thoughts about you are never going to be exposed to you directly, no matter how honest you think she is.
The only people she will be comfortable enough to be 100% honest around are her best friends she hangs out with or at least used to on a regular basis. It’s similar to our locker-room talks when we joke around, have our man-talks, and celebrate our sexual conquests.
Obviously, you’re never going to know about what she’s actually saying and neither should you bother to, but at one point you’re going to find out.
One way or another, the truth will reveal itself to you and you’ll know.
So if you do find out about her talks with her friends about you in a disrespectful way, then this is a definite sign that she doesn’t respect you, and therefore, doesn’t love you anymore.
Because women really care about their image, and the relationship they choose is a huge part of that image.
Once she abandons your reputation, then you’re no longer part of her public presentation — you’re now just a person she lives with and not necessarily someone she really wants to be with.
6. She Suddenly Has More Male “Friends”
The Truth About Male-Female Friendship
Women don’t need male friends.
Might seem a little backward to most people these days, I know.
But women in relationships don’t really have to maintain male friendships.
Now, you might say respond to that with the very common question men respond with, “Why would you say that? Shouldn’t I be confident and secure enough to let her deal with males?”
To this I say: this really depends on timing and context, but generally speaking, you shouldn’t be dealing with this situation.
In reality, women don’t really need male friends unless it’s for attention to feed their sometimes insatiable egos.
Women and men don’t really connect on a mental and emotional level the way they do with their same-sex friends.
A woman is never going to understand and relate to you the way a good male friend would.
This doesn’t mean that male-female friendships don’t work because they obviously do.
But this kind of friendship tends to get complicated when one side is slightly more attractive than the other.
What usually ends up happening is that one person falls for the other, and then it goes downhill from there, even when one of them is already in a relationship.
Let’s face it; if your girl is slightly attractive, chances are these male friends aren’t really friends.
And your girl isn’t dumb — she is an emotional being who can read human beings better than you and I can.
Of course, she’s not going to say no to free attention, but she’s always going to present it in a way that is of no threat and harmless.
The guy you “shouldn’t” be worried about is the guy you definitely should be worried about.
If you needed further evidence, all you have to do is look at your own past history with female friendships — how many of these female “friends” have you wanted to sleep with?
Let’s ask a better question: how many of them actually were like sisters to you?
I bet they were just the ugly ones.
Not that there’s any shame in thinking that way, but you need to set things straight when it comes to your girl and her friendships.
Unless she’s dealing with male coworkers with clear boundaries set on her part, she could and should be satisfied with just you and her female friends in her life.
The Monkey Branching Preparation
It might surprise you, especially if you’re in a very long-term relationship, but women are instinctively masters at monkey-branching.
If your relationship is ever put to an end, you best believe that she’d already had one or many options lined up for replacement.
Unless you’re the best option for her.
When relationships head south for a consistent period of time, you might notice women opening up to male interactions more than they normally would, given that they had boundaries, to begin with.
They’ll get a little closer to male co-workers at work. Men who are “helping her with work” all of a sudden.
They’ll have more acquaintances at the gym. Men who are “helping her with her workout.”
Everywhere she goes, there will be a sudden increase in male interaction, and all could be excusable and innocent, on paper.
But when your relationship feels a little off, you just know it.
You might shrug it off and use the “I’m a secure guy” rationalization to avoid having to deal with the situation, but that would be just you avoiding a problem you know that’s coming your way.
Since love and attraction can’t come without respect, a woman loosening her boundaries with men is a very clear sign that she doesn’t love you anymore, and is instead scouting for replacements.
Because she doesn’t respect you.
She doesn’t have to be doing this instinctively, but that doesn’t even matter at all since how she feels about you is why she is loosening up and not her awareness about it.
If you confront her about it, she’s most likely not going to own up to her actions and just admit it. And if she does admit her mistake and apologize, nothing is actually going to change.
In fact, she’ll just come up with better excuses next time.
If you don’t change, she has no reason to do the same.
You’re the one who has to be in control of the direction of the relationship, not her.
7. You’re Always “Forgotten” & Not In Any of Her Plans
When a woman is happy being with you, she’ll always and naturally be inclusive with you.
She’s either in events with you or she’s sharing her events with you.
No matter how insignificant these events or stories may seem, there is always going to be this stream of texts and random screenshots filling up your phone.
This means that if she doesn’t love you anymore, then this behavior fades away.
It will first start with her subtly just not being interested in sharing these minor details to clearly having more major plans set up without getting back to you or asking for your opinion.
That’s not to say that once a woman forgets about you then she doesn’t love you anymore or that she has to share and get back to you in every single decision, but when you see this extreme shift of behavior from being considerate and genuinely interested in your opinion or takes to genuinely not even bothering, then she’s no longer “there.”
If you’re dealing with this situation, then as much as it can be frustrating, you have to know that trying to force the situation to where it was by being too direct or asking her about it won’t work.
It will only make you look more desperate and this will push her away from you even more.
